I haven’t (yet) dealt with a full‑blown tantrum in the middle of a shop—foot stamping, shouting “I want! I want! I want!”—but I’ve seen the beginnings of it. When I tell my three‑year‑old we’re not going to the play centre this weekend, he insists, louder and louder, until I’m scrambling to distract him. Moments like that stir a deep worry in me: not just about play dates, but about bigger things.

Even though I’m navigating toddler territory now, I know this isn’t just a “little kid” worry. If you have tweens or teens and you’ve seen entitlement creep in—even if it’s subtle—it’s not too late. These years are actually a powerful window for reshaping attitudes and building lasting emotional intelligence.

I grew up in 1980s Ireland with “enough” but every possession felt precious. When something of mine got damaged (yes, I’m looking at you, little sister), I was absolutely distraught. My kids, in contrast, have far more than I ever did—and yet the requests, the wants, the expectations feel unending. More toys. More treats. More outings. And it worries me deeply.

I simply cannot bring up entitled children. So I began asking: What causes this “entitlement” trait? Is it even a real personality trait? How does it shape someone’s life? And most importantly—can it be prevented or reversed? Here’s what surprised me most: there’s a lotof research out there. What I found might just make you take a closer look at some of your own parenting decisions.

What *Is* Entitlement, Really?

Psychologists define entitlement as a belief that one deserves special treatment or rewards, often without putting in the effort. It’s not just a bad attitude or being a bit spoiled—it’s a measurable mindset. Research distinguishes between different types of entitlement, too. Some kids feel a sense of exploitive entitlement (“I deserve this no matter what”), while others may show non‑exploitive entitlement, which is more about fairness and mutual respect. Lessard et al., 2011

In adolescents, there’s also what’s called relational entitlement—where kids believe their needs should always be met by parents or others. And when that doesn’t happen? Cue disappointment, anger, or even anxiety. Ronen et al., 2016

Where Does It Come From?

1. Parenting Style

Permissive parenting is often linked with increased entitlement. When kids are given too much freedom or rewards without corresponding effort, they may learn to expect it as the norm. Psychology Today

Mixed messages can also contribute. Praise for minimal effort or shielding kids from failure can reinforce the idea that rewards are guaranteed.

2. Attachment and Early Response Patterns

Research shows that insecure attachment—particularly when parents are inconsistent in meeting needs—can lead to what’s called “imbalanced entitlement,” a mix of entitlement and insecurity. Ronen et al., 2016

3. Culture, Social Media, and Peer Pressure

We live in a “you deserve it” culture. Instagram, YouTube, even ads targeted at kids—all send the same message: you should have what you want, when you want it. That constant comparison can inflate expectations, even in young children. ScienceDirect, 2014

4. Temperament and Personality

Some kids are more reward‑sensitive or have a lower threshold for frustration. That doesn’t mean they’re doomed to entitlement, but they may need more help developing self‑regulation and disappointment tolerance.

The Hidden Cost of Entitlement

Entitlement isn’t just annoying. It can affect children’s lives in serious ways:

• Lower resilience and motivation: when kids expect rewards without effort, they may avoid hard work or give up easily.
• Anxiety & disappointment: high expectations that aren’t met can cause shame, stress, or depression. PMC, 2024
• Relational issues: difficulties with empathy, fairness, teamwork among peers or family.
• Reduced life satisfaction: studies show high entitlement often correlates with lower well‑being. ScienceDirect, 2021

Can Any Entitlement Be Good?

Interestingly, not all entitlement is bad. When kids develop a balanced sense of what they deserve—fairness, respect, love—it can support healthy self-esteem. This is the idea of non‑exploitive entitlement, which is linked with better boundary setting and personal empowerment. Lessard et al., 2011

How to Shift Entitlement (Even with Tweens and Teens)

• Set Clear Expectations & Boundaries: Don’t reward effortlessness. Create systems where rewards follow effort and growth. Explain your “why” clearly and follow through.
• Model Gratitude & Ownership: Build rituals of thanks. When your child hears you express gratitude for small things, it changes perspective.
• Delay Gratification Intentionally: Encourage waiting for something wanted. Helps build patience and appreciation.
• Challenge Entitlement Thinking: Ask questions like: “Why do you feel you deserve this? What will happen if you don’t get it?” Helps build awareness and realistic expectations.
• Encourage Contribution & Empathy: Give responsibilities, encourage sharing, help children see what others do. Understanding effort in others helps reduce entitlement.
• Praise Process, Not Just Result: Focus on effort: “I saw how hard you worked” rather than “You’re so clever.”
• Allow Safe Failure: Let your child experience small setbacks. Coach them through the feelings instead of rescuing every time.

Final Thoughts

I’m not dealing with a full‑blown tantrum in the supermarket… yet. But when my child insists, louder and louder, that we *are* going to the play centre this weekend—despite my “no”—I can hear those warning bells. It’s these moments that remind me: if I want to raise resilient, grateful, grounded young men, I need to be intentional now.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m taking action—and I’ll let you know how it goes. Stay tuned.

What about you? Have you noticed hints of entitlement in your children? Do you think our “gentle parenting” methods are partly responsible, or is it just the world we live in now? Let’s talk about it—drop a comment below. I’d love to hear your experiences.